Piano and a massage

The suicide fantasies continue.  I am such a bore with all of this.  I would love to talk to someone about it but really, who wants to hang with someone who is so depressed?    I rang up Lifeline the other night because I needed to talk to someone and the poor guy had to refer to his manual to try to help me.  He was literally leafing through pages to try to find someone who could help me.  He couldn't.  I felt sorry for him - so I lied and told him I felt much better now, thanks to him.    How do you explain that you want to kill yourself because you are just 'over' being bi polar anyway.  I made a donation to Lifeline the next day.

Amnesty rang me on Thursday, they wanted to tell me all about PNG and the violence against women. I told them I'd worked in PNG and was aware of the issues but the lady continued, "but did you know domestic violence isn't a crime there?"   etc. etc.  In the end I had to tell her I'd worked in humanitarian aid for twenty years and was across many of these issues, but I increased my meager monthly donation anyway.  So their telemarketing worked.  I did ask her to only send me things electronically.  I'm happy to give money to worthy causes but I'm depressed enough as it is without reading about more torture and starving people on my couch.  I usually just bin all the brochures anyway.  I've met many torture survivors and starving families with children over the years to know how bad it is for half the world.

Funerals

The funeral for the woman I knew who killed herself last week was held yesterday.  I really wanted to go but my family convinced me not to.  They don't get it.  It would have been a strong reminder of why I shouldn't do it too - the grief it leaves behind.  That's not a fair thing to do to anyone you love.

PIANO

I saw my remedial masseuse today.  I took a Jessica Williams CD with me to play instead of the massage music..  He loved it.  Of course, who wouldn't?  Being under 30 he asked me to burn him a copy.  So he gets paid but the musicians have to work for free?    I like him though, he has a gentle soul.