Sleepless in St Kilda

Being Bi Polar, it's hard to know whether one's sleeplessness is a warning of a manic period coming on - it usually is. Or if it is just stressful things on the brain. If I don't get enough sleep I will become manic. This I know. I find if I am 'good' and take all the drugs that my doctors prescribe for those times, and that do indeed turn me into a very boring person, then I won't have a manic episode.

Oh, but manic episodes can be lots of fun. I do miss them. They are also, unfortunately, extremely dangerous for a variety of reasons. Google: if you want to know more.

I have Bi Polar 1. In Mania I have taken some extremely big risks so it is remarkable that I am still alive and not homeless or incarcerated or locked up in a looney bin. I am certainly entitled to be in a pschiatric hospital but I am very good at managing my illness most of the time. I've had more than 30 years practice. Sometimes, however I would just like to give in to it and let everyone else do the worrying. But I won't do that. Too hard on friends and family.

I have a senior job in Government now, and although people do say I am a "creative type" they have no idea I'm Bi Polar. The world is not ready for outing real Bi Polar people in industries other than the arts, anyway. So I shall not be outing myself anytime soon. At work I hear offensive jokes about Bi Polar people: anyone difficult may be jokingly labelled that way. I think this is what it must have felt like to be gay before it became acceptable to be open about our sexuality at the work place. People making nasty jokes about gays and lesbians yet they still do that anyway, morons.

I find myself frustrated that Bi Polar is becoming the new black, if you get my drift. Many people have told me they suffer with Bi Polar, but sometimes I believe they have self diagnosed and are probably just depressed, which is bad enough, but Bi Polar is a life sentence and it annoys me that it's now almost cool so people are claiming they are, when they clearly aren't. It makes me want to punch somebody, but I'm not sure who.

An old friend is good to talk to about it, and he's cool he's an artist in London, We chat during our  Scrabble games on Facebook. We have both had very difficult times in our lives, he's seen me at my craziest and yet he still likes me! Thanks Ron! You make me smile. Ron is a very gifted artist. I love his work.  He should be raking in dough. He is quite brilliant.

I have three of his paintings above my bed. He did a series of differnet shoes based on mythological gods. Some of the shoes are a bit risque and many of them are very funny. I treasure them. I treasure my friend Ron.