Had so many anxiety attacks today it was silly. Had to do yoga breathing on a long train journey both ways and take 3 Valiums today just to get through the day.
Went to a beach far down the coast which was exhilarating, blue winter sky and no one was on it, 'cept me. My beach. My sea. My aloneness. Divine.
I am shouting words that come from who knows where. Tonight: "stab your heart!" come forth, loudly, as I knitted on the couch and thought about the day. It came out a few times. Is this a form of tourettes?
Old memories haunt me, they are like a re-occurring nasty infection that flares up suddenly, making me sick to my stomach. Recalled some nastiness from childhood that made me feel shivers.
I want my shrink with me all the time at the moment. I am tearful, then happy. My confidence is on a roller coaster.
I spent nearly $200 changing my hair colour earlier tonight, so at least I look fabulous! Perhaps I may fool everyone tomorrow at work!
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